Freezing My Ice Off

Greetings...........

   I must make comment on the recent spate of snow and ice.  It is cold.  It causes my love oysters to tuck into my loins like Koala pups into their mom.  A recent ride caused me to wonder if the boys had gone into permanent hibernation.  I magine the shock of the Indian (dot) clerk when I walked into 7-11 like I had been trike ridin' with no seat.  There I was in the Pork Rind and Jerkey aisle with my hand dug down the front of my shorts swearing and acting all Cialis ad with myself.  He come up on me and in the Calcutta musictone voice that all thems have he says "Excuse is me, can I help you?".  I told them that little ricky had done lost 1/2 his squirrel pack (squirrel pack = wiener cold for an acorn and two nuts) and I was playing go fish with the nut portion of the squirrel pack.  He offfered to call the police and I told him that unless they had some heated socks, they probably could not be of service.  Well Juma done called the po po.  By then I had removed my shorts and had rubbed some butter packs on the shammy and placed it in the microwave.  I had taped together a host of napkins with masking tape (what else) and was wearing it like a frontal grass skirt.  I did not have enough tape or the dexterity to cover my loading dock so I was standingup against the microwaver platform with my cheeks pressed firmly against the counter.  Little did I know because my nether regfions was all froze up, that while the cheeks was pressed up against the counter they had on loaded a few hot dogs and polish sausage in to the butt canyon region.  How was I 'sposed to know?  I even picked up a few swabs of mustard and relish so it kinds looked like I was assembling abut crack meal.  Well this scene proved to be too much for Juma.  When the po po arrived he muttered some stuff in his native tongue which I now understand to be insults against my manhood.  The microwave machine of of course was heatin' my chammy and the butter was starting to melt.   I then saw sparks as the po po approached....not from the po po but from the microwave.  It was then at that bitter and utter moment of confusedness that I remeber that I had some pocket change tucked into the shorts flap.  The door came blowing off the damn microwave machine and I assumed the natural crash position which reveal my hind parts.  As I bent over my butt cavern openned and the dogs, sausage and condements dripped from my crack leaving me howling in pain as the mustard burned my port hole.  The cops of course thought they was being attacked and the power died in the 7-11, so they drew their weapons and started flashing my naked girth which caused other customers to scream.  I of course was howling mad as the mustard and relish began to back leach into my port hole.  I turned as quick as I could and fell on my ass.  This of course caused my squirrel pack to decend to its normal place in my nut satchel.  I of course realized this and in my relief, I started grabbing and massaging them with glee upon their return home.  I then learned a dire lesson which is that cajoling your nutsac in public, after expoloding a microwave and having pork productes drip from your ass is an easily misinterpretted activity.  Imagine when I had to call Margine to post bail.  Believe it or not I have not had the nuts to return and retrieve my shorts.  Hopefully no one mistook the buttery shammy for nachos.  Oh well I hope for warnmer weather....