Retarded LSU Fan Alert

Just got back from my ride. What a stinker it turned out to be. I learned some serious lessons.

First, don't wear sports memorabilia while biking. Margine bless her heart, could not remember where she put mt ridin helmet. So not to be delayed, I went next door and borrowed one of my neighbors LSU Tiger football helmets. It is a huge mother of a bucket so it fit me pretty good. It an authentic one but for a member of the O line---so the face mask is huge and you can't really see a fellows face. I realized that a 300 pound man wearing a football helmet powering a tricycle makes you look like a complete retard. Like you are too stupid to even ride a moped much less drive a car. So I had people giving me the special wave and the "good for you retard smile". At one point I got my water bottle stuck in my facemask and the light turned green. So I took off like a complete moron with the bottle stuck in my mask oozing water at every pedal. That when it wen from bad to awful

The bottle squirted out and across the road. I parked my trike and went to fetch it. I could not see shit so I tripped and fell flat ass in the road. An old lady stopped and talked special to me and retrieved my bottle. That's when it happened.

I had taken a laxative earlier in the day to help with the weight loss. At that moment it decided to kick in. I turned to go back to my trike and i completely shit myself. It ran down my legs and into the street. The old lady turned and run.

I had to wheel my trike over to the dollar car wash trying to hide my identity with the retard helmet. Under the auspices of washing the trike i cleaned my soiled self which drew some eyes as I maneuvered the wand down my shorts. soon the manager was summoned who came out and addressed me as "SON" and told me to go on home and stop horsing around with the hose.

I am sure I dropped at least five pounds. Off to the girl salad.

Later pussies.....